Gaffes and Giraffes

I’ll let you in on a secret.

One of the reasons I teach school is because children make me laugh.


[Enter Day 1 of the school year.]

Teacher: Please write your names on your books and on your quizzes and tests.

Student A: Where should we write our names?

Teacher: On your books, quizzes, and tests.

Student B: What should we write on our books, quizzes, and tests?

Teacher: Your name.

Student C: Should we write our name on the blank that says “Name”?

Teacher: I do think that’s why they put it there.

Student D: Here are my quizzes and tests!

Teacher: But your name is not on them….

And so on.


Protons, neutrons, and electrons make up . . . the metric system.


Q: “What is penicillin?”

A: Penicillin is one of those things that swings back and forth.


Teacher: Who was Billy Graham?

Student: He’s that guy who invented graham crackers.

So novel.


Definition: plot; complicated plan

Answer: grass


Definition: drugstore; occupation of making and selling drugs

Answer: cafeteria


Boy A: I always thought a “craven” was a murderer.

Boy B: Ha! A craven is a dried cranberry.


Student: I heard someone talking about a “G-raft,” and did you know they are basically camouflaged?

Teacher: What is a “G-raft”?

Student: You know. Like at the zoo. Those really tall animals.

Teacher: Ah, you mean a giraffe.


Q: Why did [this thing] happen?

A. first attempt: I don’t know.

A. second attempt: Because it wanted to.


Q: Why is this chemical an acid?

A: Because God made it that way.


Student: (tearful and frustrated) I cannot figure out how to do my lesson! Number one doesn’t make any sense.

Teacher:Did you read the lesson text?

Student: No, I never do.

Teacher: [blank stare]