I’ll let you in on a secret.
One of the reasons I teach school is because children make me laugh.
[Enter Day 1 of the school year.]
Teacher: Please write your names on your books and on your quizzes and tests.
Student A: Where should we write our names?
Teacher: On your books, quizzes, and tests.
Student B: What should we write on our books, quizzes, and tests?
Teacher: Your name.
Student C: Should we write our name on the blank that says “Name”?
Teacher: I do think that’s why they put it there.
Student D: Here are my quizzes and tests!
Teacher: But your name is not on them….
And so on.
Protons, neutrons, and electrons make up . . . the metric system.
Q: “What is penicillin?”
A: Penicillin is one of those things that swings back and forth.
Teacher: Who was Billy Graham?
Student: He’s that guy who invented graham crackers.
Definition: plot; complicated plan
Definition: drugstore; occupation of making and selling drugs
Boy A: I always thought a “craven” was a murderer.
Boy B: Ha! A craven is a dried cranberry.
Student: I heard someone talking about a “G-raft,” and did you know they are basically camouflaged?
Teacher: What is a “G-raft”?
Student: You know. Like at the zoo. Those really tall animals.
Teacher: Ah, you mean a giraffe.
Q: Why did [this thing] happen?
A. first attempt: I don’t know.
A. second attempt: Because it wanted to.
Q: Why is this chemical an acid?
A: Because God made it that way.
Student: (tearful and frustrated) I cannot figure out how to do my lesson! Number one doesn’t make any sense.
Teacher:Did you read the lesson text?
Student: No, I never do.
Teacher: [blank stare]