This morning I had a moment that made my eyes leak. Maybe it wasn’t that moment, but all the moments before it that had piled up to come crashing down then.
Seth was sitting on my lap, screaming and writhing in pain. Something had happened to his hand–we didn’t know what–but he couldn’t move it at all without going into convulsions and shrieking like a banshee. I probed it gently (more screams) and decided it was fractured. The rapid swelling seemed to confirm it.
I sat silently on the couch and waited for Steph to call Urgent Care and for a friend to bring an Ace bandage. I had to leave the fridge’s leaking ice maker hose to hold Seth. Dollars. I could see out the living room wall in front of me with a hole in it. Dollars. I could see the front porch railing teetering, ready to fall. More dollars. I could see the van parked beyond the porch with its broken hinge and freshly wrecked passenger’s door. More and more and more dollars.
I thought God, we cannot afford a broken hand right now! We can’t afford any of this. No one is going to buy this house. I’ll never get all the projects finished in time. Steph can’t help any more than she is with her continued pregnancy problems. We’re going to run out of money with a brand new baby, and then what?!
My eyes started leaking, but then my friend pulled up, and my wife walked back into the room, and I had to pretend everything was going to be okay. Or was I having faith it would?
Seth fell asleep on the way to Urgent Care. We had a half-hour wait, and he napped most of the time. I was glad because it kept him from moving his hand and screaming bloody murder. But then he woke up. And smiled.
He started pulling the Ace bandage off. I gently told him no and tried putting it back on. He didn’t wince. I squeezed his hand lightly. No response. I started moving his fingers this way and that. He actually started laughing, thinking I was playing a game.
I was bewildered. I pulled the bandage completely off and did my best to make his hand hurt. Well, you know what I mean. He acted like it was fine. And the swelling was completely gone.
I went up to the receptionist and asked if I could cancel the visit. I showed her how I could bend and poke and prod Seth’s hand with no pain response. She said she’d be glad to cancel and refund our money.
It was a miracle.
On the way home I spent some time in contemplation. We have a lot going on right now, and it seems an awful lot of it is going wrong. Probably many of you have tougher times than we do, but it really feels odd to have this many things going wrong at the same time.
Steph has never wrecked our vehicle before. The fridge has never randomly started leaking before, or hinges breaking, or windows breaking, or hands breaking–Why is everything breaking! It feels like we’re under attack!
Maybe we are. I had never considered it until that moment. Yes, I know life is tough. Jesus said, “In the world you will have tribulation,” so that’s to be expected. But this certainly seems different, much more intense.
But Jesus also said, “Be of good cheer. I have overcome the world.” He is still in control. And He still answers prayers, even poorly worded and frantically pleading thoughts.
I felt peace come over my heart. Not everything magically fell into place, and I know we’re going to continue to be attacked, but I feel better having confirmation that my God is still in control.
“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33 NKJV
1. Have prayer meeting with brothers for Peru
2. Prep for Daddy coming to help
3. Finish bathroom trim
4. Study for Sunday school lesson
5. Mow the lawn
P.S. My father-in-law came just as I was headed to Urgent Care. He spent the day with us and helped get a pile of things done. He even mowed my lawn for me. I felt very loved and unworthy and grateful. Thanks, Daddy.